Know Your Metal(head)
It’s become something of a fad for the jobless, Justin-Timberlake-worshipping retards (who say things like “pink is the new black”) to stereotype those who are simply more sophisticated than themselves as “metalheads”. (And just so we’re clear — nothing will ever replace black.) The aforementioned seem to be under the grave misconception that metal is no more than sound effects created by men with painted faces raping an army of goats, and that their “worshippers”, aptly titled “metalheads”, are people who aspire to rape said goats upon a stage, wielding long hair and slit wrists, under the influence of chemical drugs.
Allow me to allay some of the more common misconceptions. I refer, in these points, to the general metal fraternity: composers and listeners alike.
1. Listening to metal is NOT a goat raping ritual.
2. Metal is NOT “just pointless screaming”. You really need to appreciate the fact that there’s far more to music than just the vocals. Metal is divided into innumerable sub-genres with varying vocal tones. Not all metal has harsh vocals.
3. Any retard with a microphone CANNOT pull off metal vocals. I’d like to see you try to sustain a Death Growl, or if you dare, the Filth Whistle, for over a minute. It is an art.
4. Metal is NOT about Satanic cults hell-bent on burning every Christian soul that roams the earth and cannibalising them.
5. Listening to metal does NOT classify you as the dreaded Emo (in my honest opinion, fittingly stereotyped). *
6. We do NOT listen to metal to percieve ourselves as “cool”. *
7. Listening to/composing metal does NOT automatically make you a stoner.
8. We are NOT just making up the stuff about searching the depths of the Scandinavian Underground to find our music. *
9. We do NOT slit our wrists for the heck of it, or at all. #
10. We do NOT listen to metal, and only metal, all day and all night. We also appreciate other forms of music that have actual substance.
Metal is an art, a thing of brilliance, with its own beauty, that a large number of people cannot, or just will not, accept.
11. Pop, hip hop, rap (excluding Eminem), R&B, Bollywood music, etc. lack substance. For us, to even contemplate listening to that crap means taking several steps back from where we are. Forgive us for not taking your musical recommendations seriously.
12. Metal is NOT the end-all and be-all of our lives. We have other interests and passions as well.
13. Metal is NOT a product of a “long-forgotten era”. Metal bands that are still in the game for the music, more than the money, are still aplenty, and still produce mind-blowing, brilliant, epic, music. It’s the bands of that “long-forgotten era” that now put metal to shame by catering to what you want, hence making more dough. *cough cough* Children of Bodom, Cradle of Filth *cough*
14. We do NOT say that we “listen to the tr00 KvLt BlaCk MetcHuL”, or anything of the sort. *
15. We do NOT wear black metal tees twenty four hours a day, seven days a week.
16. We aren’t your run-of-the-mill junkies with no aims or ambitions in life. People who listen to metal do have regular jobs, and went to (or are still in) school or college just like you.
17. Metal is NOT all about anger, hatred, and killing. That’s just the way you choose to perceive it. The “death” in death metal plays a large part in that.
18. And lastly, we most definitely do NOT secretly headbang to Linkin Park when nobody’s looking. If we do, for some bizarre reason, perform some such travestuous acts, we make no secret of it. *
* Not applicable to posers
# Not applicable to retards
So why stereotype metal then? We just listen to music that is different, and appreciate it in a manner that isn’t superficial. Unfortunately, we’re rather proud of that fact, and choose to be — justifiably — arrogant about it.
Metal is an art, a thing of brilliance, with its own beauty, that a large number of people cannot — or just will not — accept. Hence the stereotype. There is no such thing as a “metalhead”, as the world, unfortunately, perceives it today, and never will be.